Sometimes it makes me sad to see my friends in relationships that are so seemingly perfect. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm happy for them. It's great that they found people to spend the rest of their lives with. But at the same time...it's just a constant reminder of how I DON'T have that.
Now, I'm an independent type gal. I don't need a guy to make me happy, by any means. I have absolutely the greatest friends and immediate family a gal could ask for. Most of the time, I don't question my happiness a bit.
It's only when I'm in the presence of those friends with significant others who are just so...perfect. Nice, polite, charming, caring to your friends and to you. Funny, but serious when he needs to be. Smart, but not a Mr. Know-it-all. Can have a good time, but knows when to call it quits. Loves your family. Wants to talk to you everyday, but also knows sometimes you're busy and is okay with that. Gives up his own happiness for your own. Would do anything for you. And above all else, he loves you....unconditionally.
To some, I suppose it may seem like I'm jealous or that I want to steal a person away from one of my friends. Let me assure you...you've got it all wrong. What I want is not that person, or even an exact replica of that person. Rather, I want someone who makes me feel the way he makes you feel. Loved, to the ends of the earth and back.
That's not so much to ask, is it? To have someone to love you with all their being?
I guess I don't understand why it's been so hard for me to find this person in the first place. Am I not lovable enough? Are my flaws really THAT bad that people don't want to be with me?
These are questions I don't ask myself often, but there are times when I can't help but ponder them.
Will I ever be loved that way? Will I ever feel that special?
God, I hope so.
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